Thursday, September 2, 2010

How to Lose Six Pounds in Six Hours

Here's how to Lose Six Pounds in Six Hours - from a book titled "211 Things A Clever Girl Can Do" by Bunty Cutler.

Level One
  • Sit in a sauna (often good for a pound or two).
  • Take diuretics (dandelion or nettle tea).
  • Cut hair short.
  • Dress light: no belt (obviously); wear diaphanous dress.

Level Two
  • Leave glasses off.
  • Wear cheap air-filled flip-flops instead of those huge great heavy sandals.
  • Remove all jewelry, including tiny earrings, nose piercing, and wedding ring.
  • Cut hair extremely short.
  • Give blood (an armful weighs quite a lot). Refuse juice and cookies!
  • Swap big undies for tiny thongs, crotchless panties, or net bikini bottoms.
  • Go braless.

Level Three (Desperate Last-Few-Ounce Measures)
  • Cut or bit toe- and fingernails way down.
  • Pluck eyebrows.
  • Shave legs.
  • Do a Brazilian wax.
  • Turn up in G-string (or go commando), and bare feet.
  • Remove makeup.
  • Blow nose.
  • Pick scabs.
  • Clean ears.
  • Shave any remaining body hair.
  • Read something sad and have a good cry.
  • Shave head.
  • Exfoliate - twice.
  • Squeeze pimples.
  • File hard skin from bottom of feet.
  • Spit.
  • Breath out last lungful of air before getting on the scales - tiny droplets of water vapor escaping may just tip the scales in your favor.

Failing all these, have your legs amputated. (Lolz... just for laughters)

This witty manual by Bunty Cutler is the hysterical, cheeky, female counterpart to her smash hit 211 Things a Bright Boy Can Do. Now available in kindle edition.